Sunday, March 8, 2009

Spring, struggling, & savouring.


Well the weather has been absolutely gorgeous! Even today, it's not particularly sunny but its cool and breezy out. I love it! As much as I adore the snow and winter, Spring is my absolute favorite! I adore the new life in all the animals, and flowers. Color seems to always be better in the spring and everything seems to be just a little bit more cheery!

I had a great day yesterday with my best friend and family. Heather & I went to the mall where of course I spent more then I wanted to (as usual) but got some much needed stuff. Then we ate chinese. =] Enough said there! ha... Then after devouring a plate of carbs and msg, we went and walked it off in the park. Seeing all the puppies and dogs out made me feel like a bad mommy to my baby girl at home because I haven't taken her to the park yet. She gets sooo car sick so if I take her anywhere I spend most of the time when we get there cleaning her up. And she's so wore out from puking and just feeling bad that she just lays there sleeping and getting rest.

After a fun daytime with Heather I actually got to spend time with Clark and my parents. We went to the car show at the civic center which was more boring and more fun then I thought. Lol. More boring because I know nothing about cars but more fun because I saw more interesting things then I had thought I would. We all walked around together talking and staring at shiny things (my fave! lol) and we each picked out which one we would take home if we could. I, of course, chose a beautiful blue 64 mustang.


Overall, a good day.


I've found myself lately struggling with my relationship with God. Not that I don't have faith, because I do. More so now then ever. Just that I don't quite know how to come the person that I know I am supposed to be. I think I have a good relationship with the Lord but I know it's nowhere where it's supposed to be. I'm not doing the things I should. It seems like I just don't quite know how to stay on the right track of things. I recently watched "Fireproof"
which I recommend to anyone and everyone no matter what walk of life you're in. It's got something for everyone. And of course it made me think. As most of those kinds of movies do. I just wish I could be the person I know that I'm supposed to be without struggle. Is it even possible? I feel like once I get on the right track, something pulls me back into my old bad ways. I know that I have it in me to be who I'm supposed to, I just continue to struggle with whether or not I have the strength to be that person.
I also have found myself struggling with my anxiety. It was going good but now it seems to be in a stand still. I feel the need to control everything. I can go places and do things that I couldn't before (thats the getting better part) but I have to drive, I have to be the one to choose to go to that place, I have to be the one saying when and where. (that's the stand still part) It seems like I can't give up any control of my life to anything anymore...
Clark and I couldn't be better right now though. He has given me so much happiness and I thank God for every moment we have together. He has truly been my best friend and I just can't imagine life without him right now or ever for that matter. He's been so sweet and even if we do argue it doesn't seem to be that big of a deal anymore. I'm so grateful to have him as well as everyone else that I have, in my life. They truly keep me going...
Well, this is an odd way to end this kind of blog but its 9 something and I need to play with CoCo and go to bed...more later kids.

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