Grrrr....

So I was all amped up about my ultrasound appointment today hoping and praying that I would go and they would say the follicles are great and maybe I would get the miracle I'd been hoping for and I would be told that I was already pregnant. But no, the dr's office calls and had to reschedule me to tomorrow because of some emergency at the hospital that the technician had to attend to. Ok the obgyn I can understand having an emergency, yea ok I get that, but the ultrasound tech? What kind of ultrasound emergencies are there? I guess I'm just upset and being mean but I'm still really frustrated.
To top it off, I'm super sleepy today and my stomach is kiiiilling me where I'm ovulating. Which I'm not gonna complain about b/c its a good thing, but it still sucks.
Anyways, just wanted to rant for a while. I promise I will post something with a bit more substance next time.
Thanks.

I DID IT! I DID IT! LOOK MA I DID IT!

So I'm so proud of myself right now I could burst. Right now I'm just gonna do the long story short thing. I went out to eat w/Clark yesterday! We went to the Java Joint and both of us sat down and ate and drank and talked and had fun. Then we left and went to Wal*Mart and got a few things. This may not seem like a big deal to many but to me it is. I suffer from severe panic attacks and anxiety and eating out is a big big thing for me, especially with Clark. We haven't done it in about 3 or 4 years! So this is a huge step forward for me. I'm really hoping and praying I can keep this up and do more!
Just thought I'd share my "yay me!" moment!

First spin kit!

Yes I got one! I ordered it off Etsy from BHMAlpacas. I'm super excited! I'm hoping and praying that I will be able to do it and not totally screw it up! I really want to get into dyeing fibers and spinning them, but I wanted to make sure I could even spin before I got into the dyeing part.
I got a beautiful hook/needle case from Joy off of the group RAK on Ravelry.


Isn't it gorgeous?!! =D

The Dogwood Arts & Crafts Festival is this weekend and I'm super excited about that as well! I'm looking forward to finding some great jewelry and candles! I need some more tarts as my dog has eaten most of mine! =]

I go next Monday to my obgyn to have my follicle ultrasound done and see how things are growing. I keep having this whimsical wish that I'll go in and during the ultrasound the tech just casually turns to me and says (something along the lines of...) "Well it seems as though everything worked because you're pregnant. There's your baby." *Turns monitor around so I can see my little jelly bean I've wanted my whole life. Yea wishful thinking but I'm still praying for it. If you would like to send any prayers my way they would be much appreciated!

I'm off to go feed my face. Husssooonnns! YEA!

Socks & Margaritas

I have started and frogged my first pair of socks about 8 times now. Now I must admit defeat and do a gauge swatch. grumble... Hates em.
But things are good for now. I got my beautiful stitch markers from Hayley yesterday @ SnB! The one's I got aren't up there (I think I got the last set), but the rest are equally if not more beautiful along with the jewelry n what not. I am very much going to be a future customer! =]
Tonight shall be a fun night I declare! Amanda and I have plans to veg at her house drinking margaritas (she's determined to make me try it on the rocks bleh) and sing karaoke. I'm sure I will have YouTube posts to share later ha. Along with the drinks and songs, we'll be pigging out on a bunch of junk good since her hubby's gone and we went shopping yesterday. Never send 2 girls to the store alone... especially when one just got off of a no sugar thing for 45 days. Yea.. needless to say we have plenty of stuff to snack on! lol
I finally found a shawl that I want to make, but it scares me as most lace-y type things do...
It's gorgeous and I'm still undecided if I would even wear it or not. It can always be a gift but to whom? I'm still mulling the idea over.
I've begun to feel like I need to have more hobbies and releases. That was the main reason I started crocheting and knitting in the first place. Now that I'm into that I want to do more things. Photography, spinning, dyeing yarn, and making stitch markers/jewelry with polymer clay seem like the top choices I've been putting through my mind. I'm open to suggestions.
Off to finish my gauge swatch and actual work. C-yas!

Plateaue

As the title implies, I've hit a big plateau in alot of things lately it seems...

1.) Knitting & Crocheting: humph... this one I think hurts the most. ha. It seems like no matter what project I start, I can't figure the pattern out, I don't get the right gauge or something along those lines go wrong. Blah... I can't find anything I'm happy with either! Patter, color, shape, size, all if it is just wrong wrong wrong!!! Very frustrating considering I'm trying to work more on Clark's afghan and a scarf for my niece. I'm hoping that when I go to SnB this week that that I'll get some inspiration from the ladies. They're so creative so I can't imagine doing anything they do. (waaay to complicated and difficult for novice me! ha) I suppose it's not that horrible... in a way. I can take a breather and just focus on a few things now instead of a million like I was. I have a fairly good stash going which leads me into the next spot...

2.) Money: Yea I'm sure you're thinking that everyone and anyone is hard up on money because of the economy and what not but seriously, if I had good eggs, I'd consider selling them. lol. Because of the tax return, I had been doing really well on being able to get bills paid about a week or 2 ahead of time or the day after I got the bill in the mail. I guess I had thought I paid my car insurnce since I had been paying it all on time, but nope didn't. Now I have 2 months to pay this month. And this $250/month hospital bill thing is killing me. As if the bill for the surgery that told me I couldn't have kids on my own basically wasn't enough, I now have to pay for more pills/shots/treatments/visits to my obgyn (leading into....)

3.) Fertility: Or lack there of I should say. This is officially my last month on Clomid. So basically that means that if I don't get preggers this month, then next month I go to the "official" fertility specialist and get started on the dreaded shots. I so don't wanna do that. I hate having to put all those chemicals and hormones in my body already.

4.) Work: I keep on screwing things up... period.

There are plenty more but dinner is in the oven (probablly burning the way my luck has been) and the dog is getting anxious to go outside. Off I go to my exciting life... w00t!!!

Am I ever gonna get there?

Considering that I don't work on Saturdays, Clark is at Lucasville, I got my entire apartment clean, and tomorrow is going to be Easter you'd think I would be in a good mood. Well you'd think wrong.
*Warning: TMI coming up*
I woke up to a very disapointing discovery that I started. I was super duper excited for a while b/c even with taking my hormones I hadn't started. I was hopeful and shouldn't have been. So yea... I'm not that happy.
Then while trying to clean every room I find multiple flip flops chewed up behind the couch thanks to devil dog. So not only did I have alot more cleaning then I had anticipated b/c of her, after I got everything clean she somehow managed to hide a piece of paper from me and tore it up all over my clean spotless living room carpet that I vacuumed for like an hour.
Since I started of course I've been having horrendous cramps so I took my pain med as I usually have to with most of my painful cycles. Which, in turn, has made me feel like I'm stoned. Can't feel my fingertips and feels like I'm not breathing and whatever's going on around me isn't really going on type of stoned. So with that being said, this blog may sound out of sorts. I'm not in the best state of mind right now.
So instead of sulking on the couch by myself watching TV I sulked on the couch watching TV while eating an awesome sausage, onion, and looots of cheese omelete.

Looks nasty like dog puke but hit the spot and made me feel better.
Then I FINALLY figured out the tiger stripes on Jaycee's scarf. I ripped it apart 3 times before getting it at least partially right.

This would be my first project using intarsia! I'm just proud that I even understood the directions let alone did them! I'm hoping and praying that it will work out. I want her to have it to show the girls she cheerleads with. So if anyone has any further tips please feel free to share. I'm not sure what kind of backing I'm going to put on it so that's open for discussion.
Oh and if it didn't bum me out enough about not being pregnant, I get on myspace and there's like 5 girls that I went to school with that are pregnant. And most of them are younger then me!
I firmly believe in not questioning God and his decisions for my life, but that in no way means that I can't be angry about it. What is it about me that's so bad that I should'nt produce offspring? Am I cursed? Do I have evil blood or something?
Right now, I'm doing BBT, cervical mucus readings, and charting my cycles along with taking prenatal vitamins, hormones, and Clomid. whew... I'm full of everything that should've gotten me pregnant by now but alas I am not. Part of me wants to just say forget it and let it happen whenever. But I can never keep that thought out of my mind that I want it now.
I've decided that since today was so horrible for me & I didn't go to Lucasville like I wanted, I'm going to spoil myself and go to Wal*Mart to get some new needles and "Breaking Dawn". I downloaded it and started to read it but can't not get the book ya kno?
Here's hoping that tomorrow is better.

My Adventure in Firsts

I know I should've done this Thursday after I got home but I was just too tired and I had gotten the 3rd book in the Twlight Saga so I was a little distracted. he...

So let's get to it...

Thursday- Totally went to my first Stitch 'N' B*tch meeting!!! (I'm trying very hard to not curse anymore so go ahead and laugh at my lack of an I haha I do) It was awesome! The girls I met were so sweet and funny! They held back the good stories claiming they couldn't tell me on my first time (they didn't wanna scare me away) so that makes me wanna go back even more! lol

I felt sooo stupid just pulling out this orange crap that I had been knitting with no real purpose to it to be honest and here they are with their beautiful creations just knitting away. Most without even looking, literally, I noticed with a twinge of jealousy. All of them seemed to have a great friendship and it wasnt' all about knitting. Funny funny ladies hehe. Can't wait to go back.

So leaving there I had planned to go the grocery store (like I had planned for the like 4 days before that) and thought neh I'll go to Wal*Mart and get my first set of DPN's (they assured me not to be so scared lol), some sock yarn, and Eclipse. So, I went & the new makeover they did on Rt. 60's craft/yarn section sucks! They took away most of the knitting/crochet stuff and ALL of the fabric/sewing stuff pretty much. grrrumble grrrumble. So I look and find some "it'll do" yarn and what do ya know...absolutely no double pointed needles! hmph... I was a little peeved to say the least. Anyway, I get my book and go home in a huff planning on making a trip to the Ohio Wal*Mart of AC Moore some other day.

Friday- After work I go to Dayla's house (co-worker) to show her and her daughter how to burn cd's and put music on her mp3 player as they got a new computer. Hung out there for a while chit chatting ya kno mostly about work lol Leave there and make my first AC Moore trip! squeeee!!! I think I parked honestly like a 10 minute walk away from the door b/c I was so excited to get in and see what they had (never been there before). I make a bee like to the yarn section, practically knocking over all the little fake flower ladies on my way, and there it is... beckoning... the most beautiful selection of yarn I've ever seen. (Ok I'm sure there are some of you thinking pfft I've seen waaay better, keep in mind I've never been anywhere but Wal*Mart for yarn really). I had to restrain myself from doing the I want one of everything thing. So I find a set of double pointed needles and 2 skeins of my favorite color Peaches N Creme yarn (Sage) and a free pattern. It took ALOT of self control not to go to the massive bargain bin for the 1lb. bag of yarn that was only $5.99 but I'm trying to reserve my cash flow for Lucasville flea market in hopes of a pot bellied pig. hehe. Leaving there I went to an awesome Christian book store past Target and the Shoe Dept. They had some awesome books that I wanted to get, again self control. I leave there and go home. Content with the new additions to my stash and eating a Twix bar that was amazing considering I had eaten since about 12 and it was by then 8 or so.
I come home and talk to Clark for a while and then off I go looking for a good sock pattern that uses only 4 dpn's and is REALLY super easy (for beginners). Finish reading Eclipse and then go to bed.
Today I have to go to the grocery store and clean! But the weather is so so lovely that all I want to do is just take my dog to the park and feed some squirrels. Perhaps after the store and cleaning? Hopefully I'll have the energy.
I think I've written a novel but I just had to share my story of the past few days. I don't get out much so all of this was really awesome to me. lol. Off to another adventure in grocery shopping!

Lovely day

As the title suggests, today was a lovely day. Very lovely actually. I found out I got a 25 cent raise (woot!!) and had a decent day at work. Amanda brought in some knitting books so I immediately ganked the one she wasn't reading at the moment and started reading it most of the day as it was fairly slow. (woot again). Had a dr's appointment. Only real blah part of the day I guess. My dr. told me I'm doing extremely well w/my anxiety problems and that they strongly feel within the next few months, only with my approval, I will be off medication and be able to function normally. But I just feel like I'm not doing quite as well as they think I am. Maybe it's because they don't hear all the things going on in my head. Maybe it's because they only hear what I tell them even as honest as I am with both my dr. and therapist. This time in life I am praying that I am wrong!
I finished mom's scarf yesterday!!! Considering it was my first knitting project I'm very proud. Amanda taught me how to cast on, knit stitch, purl stitch, and basics on tension and function of needles, etc. I watched a video on how to bind off and did it by myself just by watching an instructional video which was quite a feat for me as I'm a very ok move my hands for me the way they should go kinda person lol.

Considering I've never worked with such a "textured" yarn let alone in knitting, I'm proud. LOL
I have begun a basic stockinette stitch project that I have yet to figure out. It's too thick and big to be a scarf... and as it is bright orange I'm hoping to change to black in some sort of pattern and make something for my niece as her school colors are orange and black. (I may have mentioned that in a previous blog? my memory is well non existent lol)
Oh, and I also found myself in the store many many times looking at yarns thinking "oooh I loove that oooh that's greatt!! but really I don't have a project to do with that so it'd be really dumb to buy it" not anymooooore! =] I've finally decided that you know what, darnit, I'm gonna get that beautiful yarn even if I have no idea what I can do with it! Because if I can't do anything with it then maybe I can gift it on RAK (ravelry group) and someone else can! Or maybe it will inspire me to start a project I would've otherwise said NO WAY to!!! Inspire me!! haha I am doing this however, within reason. That being said, I'm not going to buy every yarn I love at every store I go to. haha. Although I wish I had the money and space to do so.
That reminds me... there's a knitting/crochet/yarn store just down the road from me... I wonder when they close...? OFF I GO!